did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize