I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
