I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
