He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
