Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
