If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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