i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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