I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
