is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
