Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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