In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Dignity is for republicans.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Enjoy the penises
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
