So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
