I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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