Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
