How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
