I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Randomize
