and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
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