Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
