even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
