we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
