Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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