He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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