I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
