my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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