White coat. Heels.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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