So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
This baby is an asshole
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
