Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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