one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
