Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Boobs are out for the taking
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
