So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
