The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
