I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
