Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
