So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize