So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize