They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I smell like Dick and happiness
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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