Its about making memories worth repressing
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
