And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
