You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
