I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
