Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
