im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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