windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
God gave him joint rollers for hands
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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