I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
There r osticjed everywhere
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
