OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
