can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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