garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
