guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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