my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The beers last night were like the tears from god
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
