Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
