people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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