you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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