Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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