and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
you had me at cake vodka
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
