His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
