She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
