My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Your cock deserves a montage
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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