Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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