i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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