He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
