I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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