i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
