was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
